Fears … Are they stopping you?

Tam Johnston

Fears often hold us back from getting what we want in life, yet they only remain a fear as long as we continue to let them stop us. Here’s a small exert from of my free book, talking about what you can do to move beyond them.

dreamstimefree_1563Fears often hold us back from getting what we want in life, yet they only remain a fear as long as we continue to let them stop us. Here’s a small exert from of my free book, talking about what you can do to move beyond them.


“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear”

Ambrose Redmoon

Fears can be extremely powerful and sneakily sabotage everything you are trying to achieve, often well out of your awareness. If something is holding you back and you are unsure what it is, consider whether fear is an issue for you.

Fear of the unknown, losing what you have, being alone, fear of failure or equally; fear of success are all extremely common fears that we all experience in our lives. I see so many people within my coaching that have a fear of facing up to their fears and desires, so they live in denial and pretend they have no ‘wants’ in life. There are several reasons for this, the first and foremost is usually their temporary solution of “better to keep them hidden away beneath the surface rather than having to deal with the present unhappiness”. Yet, this ends up being far more than a temporary solution, it becomes their life. What started off as a way of protecting them from harm, disappointment or unhappiness, becomes the cause of the same, long-term.

In fact, we spent a huge amount of our childhood constantly fearing and overcoming the unknown. Do you remember the first time you got on a bike without stabilisers, or your first day of school, or being scared of what may or may not have been lurking under your bed?! What did you feel before you learnt from that experience that you could do it or that you were safe? You found it within you to stand up to it anyway.

You went to school; you can ride a bike, presumably?! You looked under the bed or found someone else to help you do it. You may be a little out of practice compared with the fears you faced on a daily basis as a child, yet you still have those skills of courage, strength, resourcefulness, and resilience within you. Remember, if you let your fears win, you will never experience the happiness of getting what you truly want and what you want is worth so much more than that.

So what fears do you have that are keeping you stuck where you are?

Just by recognising these fears and bringing them out of their hiding cave can help you find the strength and resources to face them and confront them. Fears only exist while you allow them to hold you back. You cannot be fearful or anxious about something in the past that you have completed. So how long do you want to feel fearful, or can you take the first step and leave the fear behind right now?


Define the consequences

“I have not failed; I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work”

Thomas Edison (Inventor of the Electric Light bulb)

Defining the consequences can really help. People often spend so long stuck fearing the ambiguous ‘unknown’, ‘failure’ or ‘success’ that little thought is given to what that really means.

What parts of the outcome are truly unknown?

If you are unsuccessful achieving your goal or making the change this time around does it really mean you, as a person in your entirety, are a failure? No, it doesn’t really does it?! Step back from previous ‘failures’ and consider, what is there to learn in this for me, and what can I do differently next time. Use this insight  to recognise that ‘failure’ can be a springboard of better things to come by utilising that knowledge. With this mindset, is there such a thing as failure, or is it just feedback for how to do it differently (and even better) next time.

Are you truly alone if you surround yourself with people? How do you know who you may meet tomorrow if you are actively looking? You are only alone if you think of yourself that way. Choose to feel and act differently and you can have all the company you need.

So what is the worst that can happen, knowing that no matter what you have the ability to dust yourself off, re-evaluate, and move on? How would it feel knowing that you will gain a sense peace and pride understanding that you have given it your best no matter what? Whatever the outcome, you will be in a better position to reassess what you can do differently next time with a fresh perspective. Compare that to how you feel having never taken the opportunity. Which feels better?

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