Struggling to stop even when you’re exhausted? Here’s how the fear of slowing down hides in plain sight, and how to gently find your way back.

When exhaustion doesn’t look like collapse

Burnout isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always involve crisis, breakdowns, or dramatic exits. More often, it looks like functioning on the outside while

quietly falling apart on the inside.

You’re showing up. You’re getting things done. But there’s no real sense of ease. You can’t remember the last time you felt rested, let alone truly relaxed. You’re wired, overloaded, and disconnected from yourself.

This isn’t about poor time management or lack of discipline. It’s about your nervous system operating in a prolonged state of high alert, without enough recovery time to shift gears.

When busy becomes a form of protection

Many people find it difficult to stop, even when they want to. Rest sounds good in theory, but in practice, it can feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and at times, threatening.

This often stems from earlier experiences where slowing down wasn’t an option. Perhaps emotional needs were dismissed, or vulnerability was not met with safety. Staying busy may have become a way to feel in control or to avoid discomfort. Over time, the nervous system adapts to this pattern, learning to associate stillness with unease.

Unprocessed emotions such as grief, anger, fear, or shame often accumulate in the background. When movement ceases, those experiences begin to surface. The body recognises this as a threat, not because rest is harmful, but because what waits in the quiet has historically felt overwhelming.

This is not about choosing to be busy. It is a pattern driven by a nervous system that has learnt to survive through motion.

Recognising signs of internal overload

When the body has been in survival mode for a prolonged period, it eventually begins to show signs of strain. These may appear as either hyperarousal  –  a sense of being constantly activated  – or hypoarousal, where the system begins to shut down.

Signs of hyperarousal may include:

• Feeling constantly “on edge” or over-alert
• Difficulty winding down
• Intrusive thoughts or racing mental activity
• Impulsively checking tasks, lists, or notifications

Signs of hypoarousal may include:

• Feeling emotionally disconnected or flat
• Difficulty initiating tasks or making decisions
• Loss of interest or pleasure in everyday activities
• Going through the motions without a sense of presence

So much of the time we treat this as a sign to push on. And push through. But that only serves to worsen them.

They are signals. They are adaptive responses from a system that has been overextended. The goal is not to force rest, but to reintroduce it gradually, in ways that the body can begin to tolerate and eventually benefit from.

Why stopping doesn’t feel good (yet)

Rest can be deeply uncomfortable for those whose nervous systems are still operating from a place of survival. For people who associate movement with safety and identity, slowing down can feel emotionally exposing.

The challenge lies not in the act of resting itself, but in what the absence of distraction brings forward. When there are emotions that haven’t been processed, or experiences that were never fully resolved, they often resurface in stillness. The nervous system may interpret this as a cue that something is wrong, even when the external environment is calm.

This is why many people find rest agitating rather than soothing. The shift from constant doing to quiet being requires the nervous system to unlearn what it’s been conditioned to believe… that stillness is dangerous.

Understanding this physiological response can help reframe the experience. Instead of blaming yourself for being unable to relax, it becomes clearer that the nervous system may simply need support in learning how to downshift.

Ways to support the body when rest feels unsafe

Introducing gentle, contained forms of stillness can help the nervous system begin to settle. These strategies aim to create micro-moments of safety that gradually become more familiar.

Listen to familiar music

Choose songs with lyrics that you find comforting or grounding. This provides a safe mental anchor while your body begins to slow down.

Use cold or sensory grounding

Hold something cool, sip cold water, or apply gentle pressure with a weighted object. Sensory input helps bring awareness into the body.

Breathe slowly and deliberately

Practice slow belly breathing with longer exhales. For example, inhale for four counts and exhale for six. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system and helps interrupt stress responses.

Introduce gentle movement

Try small, repetitive movements like rolling your shoulders or turning your head side to side. These can help reconnect you with your body without needing complete stillness.

Time-limited rest

Set a timer for three to five minutes. Rest within that boundary. Knowing there is a defined end can help reduce the fear of getting stuck in stillness.

Share space with someone regulated

If it feels too difficult to slow down on your own, consider being around someone whose presence feels steady or calming. Even being in quiet company with a trusted person can help your nervous system find cues of safety. This process (sometimes referred to in therapeutic spaces as co-regulation) is a natural human way of restoring calm through connection.

These practices are not about perfection. They are about introducing new options. Over time, your system begins to trust that it can slow down without becoming overwhelmed.

Where to go from here

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re in good company. Many people move through life with a nervous system that’s been in overdrive for years. High-functioning on the outside, but internally wired, tense, or shut down.

If I could help for you to take anything from this, it isn’t about trying harder. It’s about understanding your system and working with it, rather than against it.

To learn more about how your brain and body respond to stress and how to gradually shift out of chronic high alert. this may help:

🎥 Watch this video It explains how the nervous system moves between fight, flight, freeze and how to return to a more regulated state.

Want to explore this further?

If you’re noticing these patterns in yourself and would like to speak with someone who understands this terrain and you’re ready to stop carrying this alone, I’m here. Reach out.