Do you find yourself saying (cue eyeroll to self, sigh):

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“I’m self-sabotaging”…

(another sigh)

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me”,

(start the self-flagellation)

“I can’t seem to get past it”…

…and on with feelings of hopelessness, frustration… insert helpless feeling [here]?

Well, I’ve got some (hopefully hopeful 😉) news for you. Because it’s time to Sabotage the Sabotage!! 🔪

You CAN stop it… there’s a simple way to handle it better and start feeling like you’re working WITH yourself rather than AGAINST yourself. You can find out how in my video here or read on. So let’s dive in.

The truth behind the sabotage

Many of us label our unhelpful behaviours as ‘self-sabotage’, leading to feelings of helplessness and frustration. This label can make us feel like there’s a part of us intentionally working against our goals. These opposing parts are not out to destroy us. What’s actually happening is that different parts of us have conflicting needs or emotions and they’re simply trying to fulfil a need or protect us in some way.  By understanding this, we can start to work with ourselves rather than against ourselves.

For example, a younger part of us may react out of fear or anxiety based on past experiences, even if we consciously desire something different.

Or imagine you’re in a relationship that’s going well. Suddenly, an old fear kicks in—maybe from a past relationship that ended badly. This younger part of you starts signalling danger, even though everything is fine now. It’s not sabotage; it’s your brain trying to protect you based on outdated information.

Or suppose you find yourself procrastinating on a big project, instead of beating yourself up.  Ask: What am I afraid of? What need is this behaviour trying to meet? You might discover you’re afraid of failure or seeking rest because you’re exhausted. Or you’re struggling as you’re feeling overwhelmed and getting caught up in self doubt, so longing to just ‘bail’ on it as it would be easier, rather than using strategies to break it down and make it seem more do-able.

Imagine if you stopped seeing these behaviours as sabotage. And instead, as outdated responses that need new strategies, responses or needs to be met. Wouldn’t that feel better?

Because once you identify the need, you can address it in a healthier way. By being curious about your needs and emotions and showing compassion towards yourself, you can better understand and address these conflicting parts.

How to stop self sabotaging

Here’s where you can start:

1. Write down a recent instance where you felt you were ‘self-sabotaging’. Reflect on what needs or emotions might have been behind the behaviour. What was important to you in that moment that was driving how you behaved?
2. Start noticing any old emotional triggers that relate to the unwanted behaviour. These can be healed and got over. If you feel you’d like help with that, reach out.
3. When you notice these behaviours, pause, remind yourself you are just at odds with an old need and think about how you’d like to respond differently and what that would be like. Start creating new responses that soothe the old emotions, help you get what’s important to you in a balanced way.

So, It’s time to ditch the “self-sabotage” label. Start seeing these behaviours for what they really are—outdated responses that need understanding and care. By working with yourself, you’ll find it easier to move forward and achieve your goals.

How can you start showing more compassion towards yourself today?

If you feel like you’re in conflict with yourself, are struggling with self sabotage or need to heal from your past triggers, get in touch, I’d be happy to help you heal and find that inner peace we are all after.